ROAD SAFETY

I was flying back from Cinncinati recently, browsing through one of those "SkyMall" magazines. As I was leafing through I came across an ad for a male dummy called "Norman", a 6 foot 2 inch blow up guy clad in leather and baseball hat looking quite menacingly unshaven. I imagine women drivers over 70 years of age feeling more comfortable with Norman in the car, safe in the knowledge that their purses won't be snatched or hub caps removed.

Norman intrigued me; I simply had to have him, if only to be able to use the car pool lane anytime I wanted! I mailed my check and within no time at all Norman arrived. I went right to work placing him in the passenger seat next to me with his seat belt on. Next thing you know, we are tearing up the interstate 5 in the car pool lane doing 105 mph! I'm chatting to Norman thinking what a truly great idea.

Suddenly, I see lights behind me, getting closer and closer. "Damn", I say while zigg-zagging across the cars to pull over, "Don't worry Norman, It's just a speeding ticket, we'll be up and away again in no time!" I park the car and wind the window down.
"Good evening sir" the policeman gruffly spoke,
"Hello Officer", I sheepishly replied.
"You do realize you were traveling close to the speed of light a few moments ago?"
"Yes I do, I am sorry officer I'm a little late for a meeting"
Just then, as he was writing up my ticket, he looked over at Norman, presumably noticing his stillness,
"And him...what's his...story?"
"Oh, hey that's Norman, I just picked him up from the airport, he... uh...flew in from… from Australia, been traveling for days, jet lagged, you know the deal, don't even, I mean you know I wouldn't even try to talk to him, he's.. You know... OUT!"
"Well make sure you keep within the speed limits sir, you could cause a serious accident, especially at this time of night."
"Yes thank you officer, I will definitely drive more carefully"

I start the engine up and drive off, and with a pleased expression all over my face I dart back in the car pool lane.
"There we are Norman, I told you we'd be back on the road in a jiffy, HA!"
Just then I notice Norman's head rotate 90 degrees. He turns to look at me, then leans toward me smiling, and I feel this tapping on my shoulder and...
"Sir, would you like some lunch? We have beef or chicken"
"Wahhh...? Oh, oh, yes I guess Chicken, and can I get a glass of wine with that?"
"Yes of course, the flight attendant behind me will take care of you"
"Thank you" I mutter, fumbling to pull down my seat back tray,
I pick up my Skymall magazine, fold it away looking forward to a civilized meal...