I was flying back from Cinncinati
recently, browsing through one of those "SkyMall" magazines.
As I was leafing through I came across an ad for a male dummy called "Norman",
a 6 foot 2 inch blow up guy clad in leather and baseball hat looking quite
menacingly unshaven. I imagine women drivers over 70 years of age feeling
more comfortable with Norman in the car, safe in the knowledge that their
purses won't be snatched or hub caps removed.
Norman intrigued me; I simply had to have him, if only to be able to use
the car pool lane anytime I wanted! I mailed my check and within no time
at all Norman arrived. I went right to work placing him in the passenger
seat next to me with his seat belt on. Next thing you know, we are tearing
up the interstate 5 in the car pool lane doing 105 mph! I'm chatting to
Norman thinking what a truly great idea.
Suddenly, I see lights behind me, getting closer and closer. "Damn",
I say while zigg-zagging across the cars to pull over, "Don't worry
Norman, It's just a speeding ticket, we'll be up and away again in no
time!" I park the car and wind the window down.
"Good evening sir" the policeman gruffly spoke,
"Hello Officer", I sheepishly replied.
"You do realize you were traveling close to the speed of light a
few moments ago?"
"Yes I do, I am sorry officer I'm a little late for a meeting"
Just then, as he was writing up my ticket, he looked over at Norman, presumably
noticing his stillness,
"And him...what's his...story?"
"Oh, hey that's Norman, I just picked him up from the airport, he...
uh...flew in from
from Australia, been traveling for days, jet lagged,
you know the deal, don't even, I mean you know I wouldn't even try to
talk to him, he's.. You know... OUT!"
"Well make sure you keep within the speed limits sir, you could cause
a serious accident, especially at this time of night."
"Yes thank you officer, I will definitely drive more carefully"
I start the engine up and drive off, and with a pleased expression all
over my face I dart back in the car pool lane.
"There we are Norman, I told you we'd be back on the road in a jiffy,
Just then I notice Norman's head rotate 90 degrees. He turns to look at
me, then leans toward me smiling, and I feel this tapping on my shoulder
"Sir, would you like some lunch? We have beef or chicken"
"Wahhh...? Oh, oh, yes I guess Chicken, and can I get a glass of
wine with that?"
"Yes of course, the flight attendant behind me will take care of
"Thank you" I mutter, fumbling to pull down my seat back tray,
I pick up my Skymall magazine, fold it away looking forward to a civilized