INSECURITY

I've always thought that the reason to wear sunglasses was to shade oneself from the sun. Not so, or at least so I have found in L.A. Of course there is lots of bright light and sunglasses are indeed a necessity, but it's really much more important to look cool. It's a guy thing. And you can't just wear any old shades; you have to have the sexy Ray bans. To really be fab and groovy it's the hippest of hip to be seen wearing them indoors where the sun has been completely blocked out. This conveys a mysterious, pensive, and deep quality, that obviously sends women into complete dizziness. My favorite is when I see this type of guy in a dark nightclub. It kills me because I know that underneath his goggles he simply can't see squat, and is consequently just one step away from bumping into something or someone. This is why you always see a tanned guy standing in the corner of a club, alone, sporting his coolness. He daren't move for falling flat on his face! It's really just penis envy at the end of the day.